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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23820859">Changes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/boredomsMuse/pseuds/boredomsMuse'>boredomsMuse</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Instinct Virgil, Kinda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:07:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,844</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23820859</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/boredomsMuse/pseuds/boredomsMuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Virgil is hiding something from the sides.</p><p>They're going to regret not noticing.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Deceit Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Everyone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>188</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Changes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Turns out ill write even when i dont have a computer.  </p><p>Anyway, so @figurative-siren-song on tumblr posted a thing today and now i've written all this angst.  Please enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The sides weren't like real people.  They couldn't just… reinvent themselves or change the way a real person could.  When the sides wanted to change, they had to break apart. Become a fragment of their old selves, and let the other fragments fade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil knew a thing or two about changing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not like De, who was still self-preservation no matter what he called himself.   Or like the twins, who couldn't even remember King tearing himself in two.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Forgetting didn't work so well for Virgil.  Instinct wouldn't have made the mistakes Fear and Anxiety had.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then again, Instinct was the one that started the whole mess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(It's not like the memories had stayed away anyway.  Not like with the twins. Virgil supposed he should have expected that.  It just wasn't in his nature to forget, even if he couldn't remember what he wasn't forgetting.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The point is, Virgil knew a thing or two about changing.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So the pit in his stomach didn't really come as a surprise.  He knew the risks. Lifetimes ago Instinct and King had talked about them at length.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey Roman."  Virgil greeted that morning, hoping Roman didn't notice how tense his smile was.  "You want to spar or something today?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't distract me!"  Roman declared, yanking a snack from the cupboard and turning back towards his room.  "I have to get this project done! Thomas is depending on me!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh."  Virgil breathed, even though Roman was already gone.  Patton walked in next, offering a smile as he prepared a quick breakfast of sugary cereals.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Good morning Virgil!"  He greeted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Morning Pat."  Virgil returned the smile, even if it didn't  reach his eyes. "Hey, do you maybe want to bake today?  I think we're running low on cookies."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh that sounds swell!"  Patton said. "But Thomas is feeling a bit disheartened at the moment, I need to spend the day lifting his spirits!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Right, of course."  Virgil mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thanks for understanding kiddo, we'll bake tomorrow."  Patton assured, planting a kiss atop Virgil's head as he passed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Tomorrow, right."  Virgil agreed, looking down at his hand.  Tomorrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan was already at work when Virgil knocked at his door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes?"  He asked, sounding a little annoyed at being interrupted.  Virgil hesitated, biting his lip a moment before pushing on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I was just wondering if you wanted to go stargazing, maybe."  Virgil suggested. "The sky in Remus' side of the mindscape always does cool things when you're around."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My apologies Virgil but I am busy preparing next week's schedule.  Perhaps we can go some other time." Logan refused and immediately turned back to his work, assuming the conversation to be over.  Virgil just sighed, stepping from the room and wondering what now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he was turning to his own room, thinking of maybe writing a letter, the rundown door at the end of the hall caught his eye.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trying in person couldn't do any harm, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stepping through to the other side of Thomas' mind, Virgil was a little surprised to find he remembered exactly how to get to the living room.  He even remembered which of the floorboards creaked and which would break if he stood on them. It was actually a little bit of fun and by the time he found De, reading on the couch, he was smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He De!"  He greeted.  "Wanna hang out?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why?"  De hissed, destroying Virgil's good mood.  "I'm sure the others didn't send you here to spy on me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What? No, I just wanted to-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't save it."  De spat, standing.  "You didn't choose your side, don't live with it."  Without another word, De walked off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That didn't go the way Virgil was hoping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it's alright, he told himself.  There was still Remus. Hopes high, Virgil eventually found the green side in his side of the imagination.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Remus!"  He called, waving.  The glare Remus shot his way made Virgil stagger back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuck off."  The duke growled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wait, Remus-" But before Virgil could speak, throned vines rose from the ground to separate them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I said fuck off."  Remus repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That's…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That's fine.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's fine.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil will just try again tomorrow, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But even as he thought it, Virgil knew he wouldn't last that long.  He didn't have the drive to fight against the growing pit in his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wiping his eyes, Virgil knew there was really only one thing left to do.  It still took him another moment to sink out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Virgil!"  Thomas startled as Virgil appeared, jumping back from his computer. "Uh, not that I'm complaining but what are you doing here?  I'm not anxious."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know."  Virgil said, leaning against the back of the couch and looking off to the side.  "I just, wanted you to know that I'm proud of you. You're doing a great job."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thanks?"  Thomas frowned, sounding unsure.  "Is everything alright man?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah."  Virgil lied.  "It's nothing I wasn't prepared for."  He took a deep breath and forced himself to look at Thomas.  "Bye Thomas." He said.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, in a blink, he was gone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instinct sat with King a lifetime ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If you break apart you might fade."  Instinct warned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm going to tear myself apart no matter what."  King argued. "Maybe this way I'll survive it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's too dangerous." Instinct argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's my only choice."  King shrugged. "I'm going to forget this.  I don't want the mini mes to know about this, just in case they keep breaking.  In case they become something so small, Thomas doesn't need them anymore."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thomas is always going to need his creativity."  Instinct claimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not this one he doesn't.  I don't make sense to him anymore."  King sighed. "Look after them, won't you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"...I will."  When King broke he tried for two perfect halves and yet Virgil's pretty sure there were pieces missing.  Things so very King that went to neither Roman nor Remus.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Years later Instinct sat alone.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas wasn't listening to him, the sides weren't listening to him.  He couldn't be sure if it was Morality turning Patton, and therefore all of Thomas, against him.  Or was it Thomas' new ideas of instincts being somehow lesser than normal thoughts. Maybe it was Instinct himself athat had pushed them away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever the cause, the problem remained.  Thomas wasn't listening to him. The sides weren't listening to him.  He couldn't do his job like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What was the solution?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>King.  King was.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That night, something in Instinct broke and he ceased to be.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fear arrived in the mindscape a few days later.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fear had long since broken into Anxiety when the memories started flooding back.  Spurred on by desperate attempts to remember a name he wasn't sure he had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with those memories came a realization.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anxiety was a fragment of a fragment.  He was too small a side. Instinct could handle a change in Thomas.  But Anxiety? One wrong change and he'd cease to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That night Anxiety tried to leave first, hoping it might hurt less.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, fading into Thomas' subconscious, Virgil was glad he stuck around.  He just wished he had longer, to fix the things he broke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Anxiety wasn't like Emotions or Logic or Creativity.   Next to them he was just a small part of Thomas. A part Thomas could manage himself now.  He didn't need Virgil.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Would the others notice, Virgil wondered.  Would they realize what he'd been asking for all day? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Would they care?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil didn't have long left to ponder that.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>None of the sides were particularly happy to be called for an unscheduled meeting, all rather busy.  However they couldn't just ignore a summons from Thomas. Patton, Logan, and Roman appeared together and yet Thomas looked around desperately, like he was looking for something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is everything alright kiddo?"  Patton frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You threw off my groove!"  Roman claimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Where's Virgil?!"  Thomas asked, panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why he's right-"  Logan cut himself off, turning to see Virgil's regular spot empty.  "That's odd." He frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Did something happen?"  Patton asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't know!  He just, he popped in and he said he was proud of me and then he was just, gone!"  Thomas explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But you clearly still have your anxiety."  Logan noted. "You acted rather different when you didn't."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then it can only be one thing!"  Roman declared. "Rise, you fiends!"  At his shout, Deceit and Remus find themselves appearing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh yes, this is exactly what I wanted to do today."  Deceit claimed, rolling his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What did you do to him?!"  Roman demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Who? Jeffery Dahmer?"  Remus asked, tilting his head with a smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I believe he's asking if you've seen Virgil."  Logan clarified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not at all."  Deceit huffed. "He certainly didn't try to trick me into 'hanging out' with him."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Me too!"  Remus gasped.  "So I skewered him with thorns!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Remus!"  Patton exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay so I didn't skewer him."  Remus grumbled. "But I tried! And that's what counts!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Virgil must have been real desperate if he went to you two for company."  Roman muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He did ask if I could spend time with him, unfortunately I was busy with the schedule."  Logan said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He asked me too."  Patton realized.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Geez, what would make our local loner desperate for company all of a sudden?"  Roman asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"His room."  Patton whispered.  He sunk out quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Patton?"  Thomas called, concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What about Virgil's room?"  Remus questioned. "Is it dirty?"  He smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Patton rose up a moment later, his face was seldom enough to put them all on edge.  He opened his mouth to say something but instead found tears filling his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Patton?"  Logan pressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's, it's gone!"  Patton managed through tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Guess you lot weren't good enough for perfect ol Virgy either."  Remus smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No." Logan said, understanding washing over him.  "If his room is gone that means… Virgil faded."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What?  No, that's impossible!  Thomas still has anxiety!"  Roman argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thomas will always have anxiety.  However, he no longer needs Virgil to manage it."  Logan explained, shaking his head and trying to pretend his hands weren't shaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I still need Virgil!"  Thomas argued. "We have to bring him back!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry Thomas, you don't need him.  Subconsciously, you know that." Logan said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But we can bring him back, can't we?"  Roman asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No."  Patton sobbed.  "We can't." A thunk cut into the sense of grief falling over the sides.  Turning, they saw Remus had fallen to his knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I…"  Remus' voice was a whisper, quieter than any side had heard it.  "I didn't let him talk. He tried to talk to me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He wasn't lying." De said.  "He was trying to say goodbye."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He isn't gone!"  Remus screamed. "Maybe he's just, he just moved back, yeah?  Let's go check De, I bet he's picking a movie for movie night!"  He decided.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Remus."  Deceit tried but Remus was already gone, racing through the mindscape for a room that wasn't there anymore.  Patton sobbed louder to the side but Deceit barely heard him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil tried to say goodbye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit never let him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He's not going to get a second chance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another thunk rang through the room.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was kinda tempted to give this a happy ending but ive had a really, really bad day so...</p><p>@boredomsmuse on tumblr if anyone wants that</p></blockquote></div></div>
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